Doctor appointment

I have been on the pill. Part of me feels guilty for taking the pill. I know there are many women out there who can not bare children and so I'm sure its hard for them when people take a pill to not get pregnant when they can. I take it for medical reasons as well as the actual birth control part. But lately haven't been doing well on it. Trent and I have talked a lot lately about trying again. I think we feel ready emotionally, I think. There are a few things holding us back money, the medical bills from Harry, and we are going to Hawaii in October for his sisters wedding. I know lucky me, I've never been and totally deserve a good vacation, with just my hubby, well, I guess his whole family will be there as well. Oh and did I mention I don't have to pay for the trip? Yeah that's the best part. So part of us want to wait till after Hawaii, for one it will have been a year since losing Harrison, and two, we are a bit worried about the high risks for me and getting pregnant and then flying. But lately I keep thinking, I'd only be a few weeks, maybe a month or two so I'd probably still be ok. We just need to think/pray it through some more.

So in July I was still on the pill but didn't have a period. I was a bit shocked, I was on the pill, hadn't missed a day, so how could this be? It would've been the exact time and way that I got pregnant with Harrison. I did miss about a weeks worth of pills, but still, I was on the pill and got pregnant, a bit of a shock. Well, then the time came for me to start my next pack, I still hadn't started so I took a pregnancy test, Negative. I have to say I was a bit disappointed, but relieved. So I called my Dr to ask him what I should do. Do I still start the next pack? Do I wait till I do start? Could I really be pregnant? He said some women will miss a period or two on the pill but if I wanted to, I should take one more test to make sure. So I did and still negative. So I talked to Trent a bit about stopping the pill and not starting it again. i said that if in the next few months we are ready to try, it might be good for my body to get back to its "normal" schedule of ovulating and all that, and that we could use other methods till we were ready. So I didn't start the pack. Two weeks went by, still no period, then another week. I finally made an appt with my Dr, it was actually time anyway for my yearly and I had a lot of questions on getting pregnant again and the risks that I might face.
My appt. was yesterday. I have to say I was a bit scared, nervous, and overwhelmed. First, I hadn't been there since I went for my two week check up after having Harrison, second, I was worried, I either could really be pregnant, and I would be 8 weeks along, or something could be wrong with me.
I had been having some pain/pressure in my lower abd. as well, so along with the exam he wanted to do an US to see if there was a Cyst or something else. It was really good to see my Dr. I love him so much. He was amazing with me through all I went through and sat by my side through the whole thing. He was so glad to see me. We did the US and he did find a cyst. Not a large one but not a small one either. He explained that it was probably due to not having a period so that when my body started to get on a normal cycle and ovulate it formed a cyst. He suspects I should start soon and if I don't in the next week or two to take a pregnancy test because I could be pregnant because I'm not on the pill anymore.
Then came the discussion about having another baby. He was so excited for me that I said we thought we were ready. He reassured me that he really didn't see any risks for me for having another child. He said that usually when he see's patients with large blood clots in the uterus, that they really do go away during the pregnancy. And they really thought mine would but for some reason every time I bleed and we thought it would be gone it would be larger. He said there was a placental abruption because of the blood clot so I was not at risk for having another. I was relieved. I was so excited and just overwhelmed with emotion. I started to cry. I was just so happy to hear that I should be ok. He too showed some emotion and hoped it happened easy for us. He said of course he'd watch over me closely and I could see him as often as I wanted for reassurance. I love that Dr.
So I am not pregnant, not yet any way. I am ok, just waiting to see if I start. He said the cyst should go away with my period, so I may have some pain but he expects it not to be bad. Trent and I have a lot of praying and thinking ahead of what we feel is right for us and I know that the money and bills will always be an issue so really its just a matter of when we feel is right. I for one and getting more and more anxious everyday, although scared, I am ready to have another baby.