Acknowledgement

I have had two really good days. The sun has been shining, that for one thing is helpful in and of its self, but I just feel that talking about Harrison and not keeping my feelings inside is helping me so much.
I have come across some of the most amazing people through this experience. Mothers who have been through the loss of a child, one almost exactly the same way as how I lost Harrison. It hurts to know that others have gone through what I have because I know how much I hurt and miss him and so I know how they feel. And so in starting this blog and finding these amazing women it has strengthened my love for Harrison, for my family, and my testimony. I know we are not in this alone.
I've come across an amazing women/friend Tifani the past few weeks, our story is very similar and she also has a blog for her baby Micah as well, Enduring Well. I have to say no matter what trial you are going through in life her blog is one to read. She has the most amazing way with words and with writing down her feelings. I love emailing her and reading her blog because she sums up so much of how I feel and what I want to say and wish I had said. And I just feel that right now we understand each other so much. I am so blessed to have her in my life and all the other mothers out there that I've met.
Tifani's last post was about people not talking to us. I, like many others out there, feel awkward with people who have never talked to me about my situation or Harrison. I think that's been the hardest struggle through all this and I've talked about it many times on here, is that I feel like everyone else is moving on and I can't. I feel as though Harrison is forgotten or as if he was never apart of our family. Its hard for me when people I know and love have not said one thing to me about Harrison or the situation. Many people, family included have not said one thing to me since Harrison's funeral in November and I see them on a regular basis. I don't expect people to call or write or send things, but its when I see people all the time and they've not once said anything to me. I don't write this to be mean or hurtful to anyone, more just to let you know that its ok to talk to me, to talk to people like me. We want to talk, that's what helps us, it lets us know that you love and care about us. I know its hard to know what to say and I'm sure you don't want to say the wrong thing but not saying anything is more hurtful than saying the wrong thing. Even if its a sincere, "How are you doing."
In Tifani's blog she put (hopefully you don't mind)
-Love the person openly. (Sit with them, hug them, cry with them etc.)
-Acknowledge their pain
-Don't give advice or try to find an answer for their suffering
-Listen, listen, listen
-Be sensitive to the issue (example: if the person lost a baby don't talk about or complain about your baby, or being pregnant, etc.)
-Don't forget them just because time has passed. They will never stop missing their loved one no matter how much time has passed.
You can click here to read about how to help someone who is grieving. Also click here for a list of helpful things to say and not to say.

I write this only to say that I know I am healing and have had some good days lately because I am talking about it. I think I didn't talk about it for so long, because people didn't talk to me about it. And in finding other mothers blogs I've realized that that's the key in healing. I need to talk and want to talk about my son. I need to acknowledge and would love your support and acknowledgement that he is my son. Its not that I want to about him to everyone or in every moment but a simple comment or question is all it takes.

I have had many people through this, people I haven't seen in years or even people I don't know that well, talk to me, send cards, emails, cookies, flowers, even months later. Just saying how truly sorry they were for our loss and just letting us know they haven't forgotten and that they love us. I am forever grateful to those people for their love and service. They have shown to me real Christ like Love, that I hope someday I can repay whether to them or to others. I know one thing I have gained through this process is service to others. Its the most Christ like act and I've been served so much through this process that its something I am dedicated in doing. Whether it be a meal to a family in need, a sick person, a baby just born, a phone call, anything.

Again, I don't do this so that everyone who reads this will all of sudden send flowers or cards or call. No apologies needed, just know that we don't mind talking and for the most part I can talk about Harrison and not be sad. I love him and he's my son and he's apart of my life. Whether its a serious illness, a death in the family, a lost job, any sort of trial for the most part I think people want acknowledgement and for people to talk to them. To just ignore them or their situation is uncomfortable and more painful.
Tifani described it best when she said, she feels as though she's fighting for her life. I feel that some days, I want to stay in bed, I don't want to see people but I can't just stay in bed, I am still a mother, I have kids to take care of, dinner to make, a husband to love, a business to run, life moves on but there are times when I want to stay in bed and do nothing. I am doing what I can for me. The grieving process is hard, one I've never understood myself and even as a someone who has lost a child I find it hard to say things sometimes, but just letting a person know you care and love them and just acknowledge what happened lets us know that you do care. Remember the words of King Benjamin to his people, "When ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God." Mosiah 2:17.