Just thinking of you

A message to my baby: Harrison I was thinking of you today and how if you would've been born on your due date you would be a little over a week old. How much I longed to feed you, dress you, see you with Hudson and Ruby, and cuddle with you. Those first few weeks of an infants life goes so fast, you want to hang on to it forever, yet I never got the chance. I was grateful I was able to see you and hold you for a few hours. I cherrish those moments. I miss you so much everyday but I am learning to live my life without you in my arms and more with you in my heart. I love you so much. Its almost been 5 months since you've left my belly and went to heaven. Its so hard to believe how fast time goes. I think about you everyday but today was one of those days that I thought about you a lot, missed you so much, and wanted you near. I love you Harry.

The other day I was watching a medical show and they were showing the hospital. Ruby came in and in her cute little two year old voice said, "That's where my Harry lived. I held my Harry there. Oh, my little Harry, Harry is my baby." I can't believe she even knew or remembered. She wasn't even two when you were born. I guess it shows how much she really did love you and know that you were her little brother. She is so sweet and I love how she calls you, "My Harry." Your big brother and little sister love you so much and miss you too. They still ask about you and wonder where you are going to sleep. They know you are gone yet sometimes I think forget. I still wonder if I made the right decision having them hold you and see you, especially on days when they ask about you and wonder where you are and get sad. I know though that I would always have regretted them not seeing you and so in that I am happy. They held you and loved you.

Daddy and I were watching a show the other day and the little boys name was Harry. We both looked at each other and smiled. You don't hear of too many little boys named Harry or called Harry. It made me happy. I always loved the name Harry but daddy wasn't so sure, he didn't want you to be teased. So when you were born we instantly knew your name, Harrison or Harry. Daddy said, it is such a special, sweet name and no one can tease him now. Its also a family name. My grandpa's middle name is Harry and it was his Grandpa's first name. Your middle name Samuel, is also a family name. My sisters name is Samantha, and my grandma's last name was Samuelson. You have special names because you are our very special boy. We love you Harrison Samuel Maw.