We went on a much needed vaca for Easter. It was short but so fun and worth it. The kids had a wonderful time and it was fun to hike, explore, and just relax, I feel I haven't been able to do that in quite sometime. We were gone on Easter so we were not able to visit Harry, which made me sad, I feel Holidays are especially important days to visit. So on Monday night, we took the kids to visit and had a bunch of pinwheels or windmills, (whatever you call them) for Harry. Of course I forgot his Easter eggs and the flower. It was so great to visit him and say Hello. I have mixed emotions when visiting his grave. Its surreal. I get sad when I visit, it brings back lots of emotions, emotions from the day he was born to the day he was buried. The day he was buried is so deeply imprinted in my mind. I remember being so sick still. I couldn't wear any of my clothes or shoes, due to all the water retention from 3 days worth of IV's and 6 blood transfusions I had come home from the hospital 15 lbs heavier than I went in. I could barely walk and was so emotionally drained. I remember the tiny little casket, the beautiful flowers that were placed on it, and all the many wonderful family and friends who came to support a baby that they never got to know. It was a special day but a hard day. I also realize when I visit him that he really was here with us, that we did hold him and that he did have a body because that is why he is buried in that place. So it is hard but good. I love him and I love that we have a place to honor him and visit him. The kids love it too. They love when we visit harry.
Every time we visit they love to give him kisses, that's what they are doing here. They also love to bring him things and say a pray before we go, which I think is so neat. The first time we visited Harry Trent and I were so sad and upset that we kind of scared the kids. So we said a prayer together as a family. And ever since, Hudson won't let us leave without saying one. I think its great that he wants us to, its his way of telling Harrison we love him and miss him and know he's with us. 
Me and the kiddies
Also, two weeks ago we finally picked out his headstone. I can't wait. I don't know why it took us so long but we finally did it and boy was it expensive, I had no idea. I love that where Harrison is buried its a memorial park so the headstones are flat with the ground. I think it is so special and more "park like" more friendly. I can't wait to see a proof, when I get one I'll show you. I think it will turn out great.
Oh sweet April I know that designing the headstone is such a bittersweet moment. I am very excited to see the design. I am really anxious for the boys monument to be placed out there. Theirs is also going to be flat with the ground. The area that they are in is called Babyland and only flat monuments are allowed.
ReplyDeleteI am glad to see that you all went out there on Easter. The weather has been so poopy over here so we haven't had a chance to go out there and the weather finally turned around today.
Thanks for sharing the pictures of your beautiful family.
*hugs*
What a beautiful blog. I love that you have put it together and have a place for all of your thoughts and memories. My heart goes out to you! More so because earlier this evening I was in a small accident and I am 14 weeks pregnant. My 5 year old was with me and he was so concerned about the baby. We headed straight to the dr. to make sure everything was ok, and it seems to be. I can only imagine what you have been going through the last few months with losing a sweet baby. I'm anxious to read more of both of your blogs!
ReplyDeleteI still read your blog. :) I am glad that you and your sweet family was able to go on a vacation. When we left right before Christmas it was so hard to leave. It turned out great though. I can't imagine picking out her headstone or where she will be buried yet. We still have another year, but it's always in the back of my mind. You are in my thoughts!! ***HUGS***
ReplyDeleteI like to know what you are feeling, so its good that you let it out somewhere instead of bottling it up. Its good to that you stay so connected and that is important. I have missed you and been wanting to have the kids hang out or something...we currently have the stomach virus...but anyway. I was sad I missed your boutique. I was planning to come but then Eric had to work late and he waits til that night to tell me so I guess we are not good communicators. Well, I will talk to you soon
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you guys came to st. george it really was so fun! i cry everytime i read this blog, but i still do, i love to think of my little nephew, and I do feel like i knew him can't explain it but i do!
ReplyDeleteDear sweet Mama- Thank you so much for commenting on my blog. I am so very sorry to hear of your loss... reading it, some parts, was almost like reliving my pregnancy with Angel. Your little one was so strong to hold on through the bleeding- I know how heartbreaking it is- to think you are so close- yet so far away from them being able to live... Your Harrison was beautiful and i am sure Angel welcomed him with living arms into heaven as he came to stay with all the Angel babies. Hugs to you! (I saw you looking for book recommendations- not sure if you ever found one- but my daughter loves the "Mommy please don't cry, there are no tears in heaven". )
ReplyDeleteI recall reading about a couple in Provo who placed easter eggs on the babies/children graves at the cemetary. That was my goal and I forgot about until after Easter. I used to think it was hard to balance life with 3 children. Now, I have to balance life with 3 children here on earth and 2 angels soaring above us. Take care of yourself. And don't feel bad if you can't accomplish it all. Your blog has touched me and so many other angel Moms. God bless you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear about the loss of you son. All of your children are simply beautiful. We lost our little Zoelle this past January, she was a couple days shy of 24 weeks. My water ruptured at 22 weeks, and I was in the hospital until the baby was born. I was reading your entries, and I understand so many of your feelings. I ask myself many days "why?" Thank you for sharing your story, what a beautiful tribute to your sweet, sweet, son Harrison. Hugs, Kate
ReplyDeleteHI April~
ReplyDeleteI am Jenni Parkers sister in law. We lost our little girl a month ago & I just love reading your blog. You have truely helped me. I don't feel so "crazy" knowing I am not the only one having certain thoughts, emotions, feelings, etc. We just picked out our little girls headstone this last weekend also. It was a very difficult thing but glad it is over with. Thanks for all the post. I know it has helped me along with other moms or parents!