So a week ago was my little Harrison's 6 month angel day. It still seems surreal. I miss him everyday yet like I said, it doesn't occupy my every thought anymore. I feel that I am starting to move forward. I don't like, "moving on" because I don't know that you ever can. He is a part of my life, my families life, he is our family. But I feel like "moving forward" is ok to say. I feel I am. I have moments where I do get sad and I still miss him. But I have a lot of moments where I smile a lot when I think about him and how cute and little he was. I have a hard time believing that 6 months ago he was inside of me, growing just fine, but my stupid body gave up. I think that's probably the hardest thing for me still. My body gave up, I was supposed to be there for him, be his life support, my body just gave up. I don't know why but I know that he is a special little boy. And I know that my body had worked before, 2 times just fine, so that gives me hope that someday it will work again. (I hope.)
I wanted to share with you a little quote I found, I don't know who wrote it, but it made me think and is kind of where I am in life. I am embracing my life.
"When you accept what has happened, you aren't acknowledging that it is okay but rather, that you know you must find a way to keep growing and living-even if you don't feel like it...(Don't let) grief be your constant companion...Realize that your grief is born out of unconditional love for your child and rejoice in that love which will never end...Embracing life again is not a sign that you have stopped missing your baby, but an example of a love that is eternal."
Don't you just love that? I loved it because I felt a bit guilty in my last post when I said I felt happy. I feel that I am doing well and that I am over the hard part. But I still felt guilty saying that. But I know its ok. I know that Harrison wants me to be happy. I know he knows that I love him more than anything and that I still think about him. I know that trying to move forward and being happy does not mean I love or miss him any less, it just means I love him so much more.
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I honestly LOVE that quote. It is so so real and true! Thank you for sharing it. You are right, moving forward, there is nothing wrong with it. We will never forget our sons and they will always be looking over us, guiding us in life and looking after our future babies =)
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I love this post. I love it because i have been feeling the same way about Miles. Like you I still get sad sometimes, but it is not taking over my life anymore. I am grateful (and sad) to know other people (like you) know how I am feeling!!! I was wondering where you and your family live? I would love to get together sometime for lunch or something to talk!!! (If you live in Arizona of course!!) thanks for sharing your thoughts!!!
ReplyDeleteThat is a very good statement, and also fitting for anyone who has lost an important loved one. It made me feel good to read it and remember my best friend and Dad. I am finally feeling that it is time to start moving forward but it has been so difficult.
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