Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Occupying my every thought

This little baby is occupying my every thought right now. I feel I have come to a peaceful place in losing him. I never thought I'd get to a peaceful place. I still miss him. I still think about him and Hudson and Ruby still talk about him almost everyday. I love that they haven't forgotten about him. I love that every night when they say their prayers when they are thanking and asking Heavenly Father to bless all the people in our family they never forget to say, Harry.
I never really thought I'd get to this place, a place where I don't cry everyday, am not depressed or sad. However I do still miss him, and lately I can't get him out of my mind. Trent and I are in the final stage, finally, of getting his headstone in. I really wanted it in by his birthday but I don't know if that will happen. I know he's occupying my thoughts right now because 3 weeks from today, October 28th is his birthday. I am trying not to think about the 3 weeks that lead to his birth, the downhill cycle I took in my health that lead to such a horrible experience and his early birth. I am trying to focus on those 21 weeks I had to spend with him. Today Trent said to me, that he was talking with someone at his office about the past year and he said it hit him that what has happened has really effected him not only at home but at work. He's been affected too and I hate to see him sad, but just like me he's doing well, most of the time.
Trent and I are trying to think of ways to celebrate but don't really know what to do. He is my son and even though he is no longer with us I feel it is important to celebrate. I am thinking of a balloon release by his grave, but if you have any other suggestions I would love them. Thanks for all your love and support.


  1. For Cora's birthday this year we bought one of these
    and named a star for her, and then took a family picture with the puppy (the beagle). He was wearing Cora's baby name bracelet in the picture, so he was sort of representing her.

  2. I posted on your family site, but just wanted to comment how much I appreciate your blog and how it helps me. Grief can be so tricky and rude. But it is the process we take when we love someone so much....and cannot be with them. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts for all us angel mom's so we know we are not alone. God bless you and your family.

  3. Do you remember that memorial video I was making that I asked you if I could put Harry on? It's located here: