Monday, November 9, 2009

A Rainbow

Isn't it amazing that after a crazy dark, rainstorm, that beautiful rainbows appear? Well, last year we went through quite a dark storm with the birth of our baby boy Harrison at 21 weeks. But we are happy to say that Harrison has sent us a Rainbow. Yes we are pregnant, 11 weeks to be exact.
Many of you mothers out there that have lost a baby are away what a rainbow baby is. It is a baby conceived after a miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. "Rainbow babies" are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of a storm. When a rainbow appears it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that a family is not still dealing with its loss. What it does mean is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover, but the rainbow provides the balance of color, energy, light, and hope.

We are so thrilled for this new life and hope that Heavenly Father has blessed us with. I am a bit scared, nervous, overwhelmed, but I am really excited. The day after I found out I got Harrison's box out. I hadn't looked at it for awhile and I wanted to look at all my Us's I had, his feet and hand molds, his pictures, and the few items I have to remember him by. I broke down, it was overwhelming and hard to see that sweet baby. But I think I am doing ok. I do feel guilty sometimes about having another baby, but I've heard that's pretty normal when you've lost a child and bring another one into this world. But I want you to know I am very happy and just hope everything goes smoothly and quickly. June can't come soon enough. It will probably be a May baby though because I usually go 1-2 weeks early. I have been assured by my Dr that everything will be fine. I have no blood clots, bleeding, and the baby is doing well. What happened to my body with Harry was so rare. I was the 1% of patients with Subchorionic Hemmatoma's that end like mine. I do have a rather large cyst on my left ovary but he said its pretty common in pregnancy and it should go away on its own. But he said he'd keep a close eye on it and me and he'd see me whenever I wanted to. I am actually doing well. I was worried I would get sick on my trip but I was ok. I got a horrible cold while we were there but was not affected to much by the pregnancy. I can't complain really. We are so blessed to have another life brought into our home. The kids are excited but a bit confused. I think until I have a belly they will not fully understand. The other day when I came home from my appointment Hudson said, "did the Dr take the baby out?" I started to cry. I think he is scared too. Seeing as he is older, he does remember all that happened with Harrison and knows he's not here but has a hard time with why he is not here and why this baby will get to stay with us. We did hesitate telling them or anyone for that matter for awhile, but I have a hard time keeping a secret and since everything is ok, then I think its better to all the support and prayers we can get.


  1. I love how you put that. "When a rainbow appears it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that a family is not still dealing with its loss." I've had a hard time lately with people insinuating that since I have had 2 healthy baby since, I shouldn't be grieving anymore. But it doesn't mean it never happened.

    ((hugs)) Being pregnant again after a loss is so very terrifying. Many prayer with you that you can keep your sanity and that this baby comes home to loving arms.

  2. Oh April, I am so incredibly happy for you and your beautiful family.

    Looking forward to following you on your new journey with your precious rainbow.

    Many peaceful hugs for the next glorious 7 months!